No. It is not the squeal to “the Gone Girl”. I don’t think I will ever be able to write about anyone who even remotely resembles Amy … And … That is not because I am not capable of sewing words together but because I don’t know anyone who is like Amy.
This post is the first of my series called “The Character Sketch” … I could have either chosen this person to begin my series on character sketches or I could have ended my series with her character sketch. But since I was uncertain about when am I going to end the series, I decided to take her first.
Needless to say, this person is someone who is extremely close to my heart. Probably, the closest to my heart … I say this not because I have shared a great rapport with her or because she and I have had the best possible friendship. In fact, it has been quite the opposite … Our relationship has often been attacked by (overtly and/or covertly) jealousy, hurt, anger, competition etc. But what saw us through for over 2 decades was a deep sense of commitment towards each other. It might sound strange but we are like a couple in which both the partners are women … Physically, mentally, emotionally, literally and figuratively … And no, we aren’t bisexual (though I wish we were … life would have been much simpler for both of us).
What defines this lady is her courage … And while I write this about her, I can imagine her laughing her intestines out. “Courage” is not her favourite word for herself … In fact, if she were to cherry-pick top hundred words to describe herself, “courage” wouldn’t be one of them … In top thousand? Well, it might just, if her vocabulary doesn’t throw up anything better!! The reason this blog post is mired or seems to be mired in confusion, is because I am writing about a person who is a bundle of contradictions. She is the most beautifully confused and colourful fabric woven by God Herself!! She must have been at Her culinary best, when She made this Indian cuisine (read: woman) using Italian spices … Well … Actually, Mexican spices considering she drools over nachos!! Or wait … It could be a combination of both Indian and Mexican spices since she adores dosas too … But then again, what did you expect from someone who practices medicines to heal people and teaches to earn her bread. Confused … Eh? Lets start all over again … Her love for language made her one of the finest cognoscente of English and her need to heal those she loves made her relinquish the practice of medicine. She once told me … If you treat people for a living, you will never wish them good health!! And much as it sound convoluted, it brings to surface, the ugly face of “medicine” as a “profession”. She often says … “Medicine and medication should be your right and not your privilege” … There goes my English language expert!! I mean, for me, they both mean the same. However, if you are fortunate enough to catch her in one of her pleasant verbose moods then expect her to not only tell you the subtle difference in the meaning of those two words but also their etymology and their earliest usage. Phew!! Didn’t I tell you, she is full of surprises?
Very few people have the ability to touch lives the way she does … She can deal with your health issues, your inadequate vocabulary, financial planning (well, she also completed her Masters in Business Administration … Wait till you hear her other qualifications), drive you down to the nearest police station if the need arises, talk to the uncouth police constable like a champ and will maintain a cool and a calm head through all of it!! And just when you pat your back that you have “figured” her out … She will give her half-rightist, half-leftist take on the socio-economic-political situation of the country!! You will then smile to yourself and say … this woman lacks pragmatism and then out of no-where will come a threadbare and brutal analysis of what went terribly wrong with the world!! And you would want to concede to it … Desperately!! But then again you will not … Because well, she hasn’t said a word of about films and music … So may be, let me take her on that!!! You will then want to steer the conversation over chai which she will politely turn down and ask for black coffee without sugar … Oh wait!! But wasn’t that supposed to be for men?? Well … This feminine creature in front of you has some solid masculine shades …
Lets come back to our conversation after your bewilderment has ended … So yeah, we were planning to take her on films and music … Out comes her stoic, solid, unequivocal choice in Gulzar and along with it comes disdain for the new age musicians (mind you … she will not even use the word musician for them)!! So you are then left wondering, exactly, what can I talk about in which I am don’t find myself in a “check mate” situation? You want my advice for free?? Being the lawyer I am, I charge for it … But it is my turn to turn to social work … Don’t talk about anything!! Let her talk … She is a repository of knowledge.
From the foregoing, by now, you would have sketched a grim looking, constipated woman … But then, you couldn’t be more wrong!! Her twinkling eyes, intelligent wit, sarcasm dipped humor, long tresses, pink flaming skirt, big hoops, black tight fitted top and a green tote will defy every single notion which you built about her … With phone in one hand, black coffee in another, she will be texting frantically while asking you to say your bit … Bewildered again? Don’t be. She will respond to you as she responds to her phone pal while all this time what truly occupied her mind was “whats for lunch”. She mastered the art of multi-tasking even before you could learn to spell the word correctly. You didn’t know that multi-tasking is a hyphenated word?? Well she knew it all along because she has been teaching verbal ability ever since most people her age began studying verbal ability …
So you thought, you could offer her a glass of wine?? Wine is not for her for she is the “beer kinds” … No. There is no mistake and I know my alcohol!! Just when I managed to convince you that she will settle down for beer and you started thanking your stars for having found someone who is easy on your pocket … She will look up and order for the fanciest salad possible because she prefers proteins to carbs. There I see you nodding your head!! She is predictably unpredictable and unconventionally conventional … But therein lies her beauty. Love her or hate her … But you cannot ignore her!! And that is exactly how she likes it … She welcomes love with as much humility as she welcomes criticism …
There are very few of her kind and its people like her in this world which continue to make it liveable … She is good news amidst Brexit and Trump’s elections … And sunshine on a grey winter afternoon!! She is your red velvet cupcake whom you wouldn’t mind tasting despite the calories. So you did bite into her despite the calories?? Turns out that the red velvet cupcake tasted spicy … Well, I forgot to tell you … The red in her is chilli and not berry!!
With love … Sugarsatchet!!