Empty. Speechless. Changed. Thank You.

Today I have nothing to write … Absolutely nothing. I feel empty. Usually I take to writing when I have something to share … Something to talk about … Some story which requires narration … Some moments which need adequate expression. However, today I have nothing in me. I feel nothing and nothing felt me … For me every object, every person, every animal or plant has to connect with me for me to give it energy … I am in a relationship with everything around me but today I felt as if I am all alone … There is nothing that I own and there is nothing to which I belong …

Now you may wonder why am I being so eccentric and from where did this need to disconnect emerge … Well … It emerged from an experience … Today I met someone after 9 years. Once upon a time, I was extremely close to this person … He was my mentor … Someone I looked up to and wanted to be like … I had foolishly imagined that by emulating him, I will end up like him … However, as luck would have had it … Neither did I make those choices nor did life allow me to walk down the path he had during his youth. I was compelled to undertake my own journey and time and again I had cursed life for not bestowing upon me the same opportunities and luck … My journey has not been easy … It has neither been smooth nor been certain … Amidst crests and troughs and hairpin bends and twists and turns and bad rocky roads and cobbled routes, I have somehow managed to stay afloat. But … When I met that man today, I thanked the Universe for not making me travel the path which he had tread … A septuagenarian who once lead a life of glory has to live with the broken lives of his children … For a partner he has a woman who has no respect for the father of her children … A bunch of grandchildren who refuse to meet him because of their busy schedule … A house which he cant wait to leave in the morning to spend his time in utter solitude in the library of a college …

I felt sorry for him … I realised that at no point in time can you really trust life and those in your life to not inflict upon you grief and misery … Life is ever changing and hence to enter into relationships with the promise of it being everlasting and forever is to live in denial of their death.

I spent an hour with him and after we parted I stayed silent all evening … I had nothing to say … Today after 6 pm I have forgotten what the previous me was like for I have nothing but immense gratitude towards the Universe for what I have and I promise never to envy the “image” of any person hereafter …

From Canned Sugar to Brown Sugar … Sugarsatchet has metamorphosed … Much love

 

 

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