Indian Weddings are no longer FAT … They are OBESE!!

Last night I was “compelled” to attend a wedding … A wedding I had no inclination and intention to attend in the first place. I hate social gatherings for I am a social recluse. I detest meeting people drunk on wine, food, themselves, money, make-up, cars and what they call luxury. I am someone who is dead against any ostentatious display of wealth and for me less is more … Anyhow, so here I go all decked up and dolled up (by my standards) to attend this wedding in Chhatarpur Farms.

Garish, gaudy flower arrangements, tawdry reds and glittering golds welcomed me at the gate which was being guarded by a 6 foot tall man dressed up in what is known as typical Indian Maharaja style … He welcomed me with folded hands and showed me in … As I walked down the path leading to the main farm, I could feel bile rising in me … With each step I took I felt sicker … Golden brown curtains interspersed with red veils hung on both the sides and fresh flowers suspended from them … Blaring punjabi songs played on one end on the farm where a huge dance floor with glittering lights was set up … Women wearing sleeveless blouses and flimsy sarees on a foggy night in bitter cold (mercury had dropped to 6 degrees) moved around the place with extreme ease and I felt stupid and overdressed in my phiran, sweater, mittens, woolen skirt, coat and a muffler … I looked like an Eskimo in desert considering no one else was dressed up in that fashion! Painted faces, jewellery weighing as much as the woman adorning it, high painful heels, men stinking of alcohol, waiters offering appetizers, antipasti and aperitifs which people consumed less and wasted more, made me wonder … Exactly what is the point of this wedding? What are the families of the bride and the groom trying to prove? And then I overheard a conversation in the most rudimentary English I had ever heard … “Bansal ji’s daughter and my son going to same collage … Bansal ji is a very rich human being. Yeh shaadi (This wedding) and 5 another functions … Bansal ji spended 4 karore (40 million INR) on beti ki shaadi” … Really … 4 crores? In the days of demonitization … I mean just about 60 days back people were crying over how they have absolutely no money and they feel poor and that how can they pay such high taxes and here is our Bansalji who owns about 6 shops in Chandni Chowk (a popular market in Delhi), has only one daughter (God knows how many he killed in order to have a son) and gifted his son in law Hyundai Creta … Wah!! “Mauj hai damad ki … Sasur ke baad sab ussi ka toh hai” (His Son-in-law is a lucky man for after his father-in-law’s death everything belongs to him) … This statement was loaded with hatred for a girl child … But then this post is about Indian weddings and not female infanticide! … Moving On … What I saw was disgusting as well as astounding … There were close to 7 different types of cuisines and over 300 types of foods manned by 30 saree clad, 18-20 year old girls whose only job was to ask people to “please sample our food” and I could see a couple of old, horny, drunk man hovering around counters names of which I can bet they couldnt spell … My intestines squirmed with revulsion and I wanted to throw up …

For a gathering of about 300 people, the wedding had food which could be consumed by over a 1000 hungry kids … I was dying to call up the income-tax department so that the place could be raided and then the police for the dowry Bansalji was “gifting” his son-in-law … I was there yet not there. When leftists talk about growing income inequality and skewed distribution of wealth, I usually laugh it off because I know that being Robbin Hood will not help anyone in the long run and that people have to work hard to get rich … Wealth has to be an outcome of Work! But there must be a degree of dignity in aggrandizement … The manner in which Bansalji had arranged his daughter’s wedding was vulgar … It did not reflect his love for her … It seemed more like an assertion of his richness and social standing. I felt bad for his daughter … This wedding gave an insight into the kind of people she belonged to and shall belong to …

The Barat (groom and the wedding procession) arrived at 10:30 pm and there he was … dressed in chocolate brown and golden attire with a maroon turban … Atop a white horse, with friends and family screaming and dancing with joy, this man was the most important person in the venue … As he dismounted the horse, I could see (from a distance) that a lady (his mother I guess) was fussing over his clothes and he marched towards the stage with confidence and a sense of victory and entitlement … It appeared from his demeanor that he had done his parents a huge favour just by taking birth … I detested the way he walked and those around him were either deriving pleasure of his sight (in all probability his family) or were walking with a slight bow and fake smiles indicating subservience (in all probability the bride’s family) …

I was appalled by the scene and before the clock struck 12 (I am still living in the days of Cindrella it seems) I left …

On my way back … I thought … Indians along with Indian Weddings need to diet … They both need to detoxify … Flush out the grease both internal and external and feel light … Very soon, the Indian knees wouldnt be able to bear the weight of the Indian bodies and the Indian pockets wouldnt be able to bear the weight of the Indian weddings … Indian Weddings just like Indians are getting OBESE!!

Sugarsatchet wishes for you health and fitness in mind, bodies and pockets … Much love … Stay light, Stay lit!!

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  1. Oh I can picture the very incident you have narrated because I’ve attended so many in my own lifetime. And it’s such a shame that parents are willing to spend so much for one single day. But the worst is that even after this display of pomp and splendor there still must be some who would have complained how the ‘paneer in the shahi paneer wasn’t done enough’…. Laanat hai aise logon pe!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so glad no sensible person I know attended that magnum opus! It was flamboyant in the most ghastly manner I know … Completely in your face! I still don’t know what they were trying to prove


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